Worst Places to Hide from Zombies
When the zombie apocalypse comes – not if, but when – you are going to have a variety of spots to hide from the undead horde. Some of these spots will be ideal and will make a great fortress to while away the weeks until the food and water run out and others will be a one way ticket to flesheaterville. It is important to identify the worst places to hide so you won’t be caught off guard when the pillars of heaven shake.
The basement. At first glance, the concrete covered hideout may seem like an ideal spot to hide. The walls are thick and impenetrable, the windows are level with the ground, plenty of room to store food and water and only one entrance that you can keep guarded at all times. Its greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. With only one main entrance, you don’t have a way to get out if the zombies breach your defenses. Also, if you are assailed by a few dozens zombies, they can create an undead bottleneck at the door. As you pick them off one by one, the bodies begin to add up and soon you have a pile that completely covers the door. The good news is the zombies won’t be getting through. The bad news is you’re trapped in a basement with a few dozen rotting corpses that will pollute your air and anything else in the room.
In plain site. It may have worked for Bill Murray in Zombieland and in Shaun of the Dead, but pretending to be one of the shambling majority will likely get you killed and you won’t have to pretend any more. Zombies are stupid yes, but they are also feeding machines. Depending on the type of zombie that overruns the Earth, they may be able to smell you, sense your heat or just know that you are not dead. A Rick Baker make-up job won’t even save you. If the zombies don’t have any of these abilities, you will likely screw something up that alerts them to your un-undeadedness. A sneeze, cough, stubbed toe, refusal to eat your neighbor. These are all reactions that will get you eaten faster than a doughnut at a police station.
The mall. Yes, I said it. Don’t look at me like that. It may have been a party for Dawn of the Dead, but the mall is just not a very practical place to hide from the undead. Sure, you’ve got a million stores and you might be stylin’ in that Abercrombie and Fitch pullover, but there is one main issue with the mall. There are way too many doors. Every anchor store has at least one main entrance plus a back entrance. There are several doors into the mall area itself along with shipping and receiving doors. If you are a small band of survivors, there is no way for you to be able to see all of those places. You could be enjoying you’re iced latte at Starbucks and a few hundred zombies are walking through Marshall Fields and they aren’t shopping for summer deals.
Big cities. Zombies have the nasty ability to spread whatever contagion spawned their condition and soon one zombie has become hundreds and then thousands. You may be accustomed to urban environments and think it might provide you with cover or solace. But with so many people crammed together in such a small place, large cities are more like zombie all-you-can-eat buffets than havens of security. If you are in a camp with a few hundred people living on the remnants of some ballpark or football field, then all it takes is one infected person to start a chain reaction that will turn you all into undead Outbreak monkeys.
Tropical Island. Who wouldn’t want to spend the zombie apocalypse sipping Margaritas on some small tropical island that has not been touched by the undead? The problem is that nothing is untouched by the undead for very long, just ask those people from the Dawn of the Dead remake. A continent is a giant landmass with hundreds of miles of open spaces. If you find a deserted cabin out in the sticks, then you might be able to hole up for a while and not meet any large groups of the undead. An island is a teeny tiny landmass with no place to hide. If a few zombies make it to the island, then where are you going to go? The only thing you can do is get back aboard the S.S. Minnow and hope the next island on your three hour tour is better than last. If you are trapped with both Ginger and Mary Ann, then tap both those asses Gilligan because peace won’t last.
