Zombie Actions Debunked, Explained

We have all watched, in countless movies, as zombies ripped the flesh off the bones of innocent humans and swallowed intestines whole. These images were the fuel that feeds the fires of many nightmares and have been the subject of survival books. How many of these frightening scenes that masters like Romero have created, are actually likely to happen?

Crawling out of their graves: The nearly obligatory scene of an undead hand reaching out from the ground, or hands grabbing the naked heroine are common in many zombie films, but could a corpse actually rise from the grave? Modern funeral practices include a tightly sealed metal or fiberglass casket that is locked from the outside. The space available to hit the roof or walls of the casket would not allow sufficient room to break through. The casket itself is placed into a vault or grave liner made of reinforced concrete. The point is to keep the dirt from caving in as the casket deteriorates. Even if the zombie was able to break through the casket, there is a concrete vault and six feet of packed earth on top of it. Result: Epic Fail.

Blood gushing from a zombie wound: It’s certainly dramatic to watch the hero shoot, chop or hack at a zombie and see blood squirting everywhere, but would that really happen? In the case of the newly undead, possibly, but anyone that has been dead for more than 24 hours, probably not. Why? Gravity. Anyone that has been processed for a funeral service has had a good portion of their blood removed during the embalming process, so a squirter is pretty moot. Those that are not embalmed or are converted to a zombie via a bite will have blood, but with no heartbeat to pump it through the body, gravity will pull the blood into the extremities. In essence, the hands and feet will be swollen with blood until the skin erodes and degrades to the point that it will just flow out. Also, with no heart beat, the blood isn’t traveling, so even if there was blood in the area of the zombie wound, there would be nothing to propel it. It would just flow out. Result: Fail.

Tearing the flesh. You never see a vegetarian zombie. Why? They like to eat people, duh. The image of stringy latex intestines being ripped from the newest meal is iconic in zombie movies, but would a zombie actually be able to rip the flesh from your bones? Let’s take a look at this in various stages. The newly dead would be the most likely candidate to be able to do this for about the first 12 hours. Then rigor mortis will set in causing the muscles to seize up. He won’t be able to open his mouth, let alone tear off some meat. He may not even be able to move. After about three days, the rigor mortis disappears and once again he can go about his merry way until the jaw muscles begin to atrophy and degrade. There is no oxygen going to the muscles, so they can’t develop. He just turns into a pathetic grandpa zombie that deserves our pity. The bad news for us humans is the ones that have the use of their jaw muscles, don’t have the pain reflex to know when to stop. When humans apply tremendous pressure using their jaws or other muscles, it begins to hurt. That is our brains telling us to stop as we are getting close to injury. Without that, the zombies can attack full force until their jaws are ripped from their sockets. Result: Possible.

Olympic sprinter like speed: I know this is highly debated in the zombie community as to the authenticity of the fast zombie as opposed to the classic shambler, but what are the odds you are going to outran by a Dawn of the Dead remake zombie. The fast mover is possible for a few hours after someone has been converted to a zombie. It takes about 3-5 hours for rigor mortis to start setting in and seizing up their muscles. Then for about 2-3 days, the zombie will pretty much not be doing anything. When rigor mortis finally subsides, the difficulty becomes the higher brain function necessary for running. The brain may have been reanimated and allowing electrical impulses to be sent and received, but it’s not really efficient. With no blood feeding the brain or the muscles, they will begin to degrade quickly. After three days of no oxygen and completely dehydrated, the brain will rattle inside their head like an oversized marble. Any kind of coordinated running will be impossible as the brain will be useless and the muscles will be degrading.  The Romero zombie is more likely to be the long term adversary to the human race. Result: Shambling Rules.