Canceled TV Shows That Could Have Been Saved by Zombies

It has been a heartbreaking year on television with a plethora of good and not-so-good programs being canceled. I can’t help, but think that an small infusion of zombie blood into these shows may have been the pick me up that would have led to them being picked up for another season.

Jon and Kate Plus 8: Or as I like to call it “Two douchebags with Eight Kids.”  The show chronicled the lives of Jon and Kate Gosselin, two people that obviously disliked each other and had about as much chemistry as Adolf Hitler and Elie Wiesel. The show ended because of divorce, but its spirit’s been kept alive by the endless fighting between the two  on tabloids and People Magazine. Sadly, Kate will be back with a new show and Jon … well … Jon’s just hoping there might be a porn career in his future ala John Wayne Bobbitt and Screech from Saved by the Bell. I admit there is no reason I wanted another season, but the thought of those two being eaten by zombies just seemed comforting. Is it me, or does the air seem a little fresher now?

Flashforward: This high concept snoozer tried to be the next Lost, but instead just got lost in its own convoluted storylines. The whole world blacked out for two minutes and 15 seconds and saw a glimpse of six months in the future. FBI agent Mark Benford tries to unravel the truth and prevent another global blackout. Imagine what would have happened if during that flash-forward into the future everyone saw a zombie apocalypse instead of just random events. “What happened in your flash-forward.” “ Umm… I was a zombie and eating your spleen. How about some coffee?” The main characters try to avert a global zombie apocalypse by finding out what happened and trying to find zombie patient zero.  I think a season two would have been guaranteed.

Legend of the Seeker: Richard Cypher is the Seeker of Truth and along with his grandfather and wizard Zeddicus Zul Zorander, Mother Confessor Kahlan Amnell and leather clad dominatrix … er … I mean, ex-Mord Sith Cara try to save the world from the nefarious plans of the Keeper and his servant Darken Rahl by finding the Stone of Tears and sealing the rifts to the underworld. They came so close to being renewed for a third season and was even shopped to Syfy, but high production values and more huluers than regular viewers sealed this show’s coffin. They had everything ready for a zombie apocalypse with rifts in the underworld and the dead coming back to life as banelings, that must kill to stay alive. Would it have been that hard to just have the banelings eat people, too?  How much of a better visual would it have been to have zombies crawl out of the rifts who could only be vanquished by having their heads chopped off. It would be like zombie Highlander.

24: Jack Bauer has faced terrorists, kidnappers and every other bad guy du jour, but even this super spy couldn’t dodge the cancellation bullet. After eight seasons, ratings were dropping at an alarming rate and this beloved show was given the axe. It received a two-hour series finale and a chance to wrap-up any loose ends, but a taste of the undead could have landed this show a good season or two. Imagine how fast a zombie outbreak can spread in 24 hours. Spread that out into 22 episodes and you have almost a month to see Jack take out the undead hordes. How much better of a double cross can you get than Bauer’s own daughter being turned into a zombie and trying to eat him. Now, that’s good TV.  Just for the hell of it, we can have the zombies torture Bauer. I know zombies don’t torture people, but he’s Jack Bauer.

Ghost Whisperer: It came as quite a shock to star, Jennifer Love Hewitt, that her show had been canceled, but you can’t really blame the network. Lately, the best thing to watch on the Ghost Whisperer was her ever expanding cleavage. The show centers on Melinda Gordon who has the ability to see and communicate with spirits. They come to her and she tries to help them move on all the while trying to stop the “Shadows” from bringing un-crossed souls to the dark side. The problem with this show is there are only a few people that can see the ghosts so there is no interaction and hardly any gunfire (although, there was one sweet plane wreck). Flesh eating zombies bent on turning the population into fellow undead would have been a great plot for the next season. Ghosts could be allies that aren’t affected by zombies. Just think of the cool spiritual ramifications. Do zombies still have a soul?  Would ghosts be walking around looking at their own reanimated bodies, or are the souls trapped inside their decaying husks and can only be released by Melinda Gordon’s cleavage?

Dollhouse: Joss Whedon hit gold with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but his much anticipated Dollhouse just couldn’t find viewership despite Eliza Dushku’s boobies … sorry, I mean portfolio of work.  Dushku plays Echo, a doll that has their memory wiped and then imprinted with a variety of new memories each week.  Each show Echo is someone different, but begins to retain her memories and tries to unravel the network behind the Dollhouse. The series was canceled in the second season, but not without a finale that hurriedly tried to wrap up all the loose ends. I think we could have added a little spice if the dolls could have been implanted with a zombie imprint so that they thought they were zombies and tried to eat people. Sure, they could be killed with regular bullets, but what if they could transfer the imprint via a bite. Virtual zombies are born. Sure, passing along memories via a bite is a little farfetched, but so is a 16-year-old girl with super powers killing vampires, and that got eight seasons.