Zombie Semantics

In a world where political correctness is more prevalent than political honesty, I can’t help but think about what the undead would want to be called if you were to meet them on the street or at an undead rights rally.  Zombie. Undead. Living Impaired.

Zombie just seems mean. It’s something people would call them in anger right before blowing their head off i.e. ”take that, you dirty zombie scum” or “get your damn zombie hands off her” or even better “don’t let go, zombie Jack.” Alright, that last one is just because I hate Leonardo Dicaprio. How many people were glad he stayed dead after sinking in Titanic?

Would the undead take offense to “zombie”? What would happen if they were eating your brother and you said “You zombie bastards.” Would they stop eating with entrails hanging from their lips to give you a dejected look like “What did I ever do to you?” or “Do we really have to resort to name calling? I don’t go around calling you “snack” do I?” I know zombie is used heavily in movies and books, but I use it here in the most respectful way, and if I offend any of the undead reading this feel free to eat me.

Then there are the terms “living dead” and “undead”. They seem like pretty neutral terms although not every zombie will be happy with them. Purists won’t want to have any connection to the living and will feel slighted by the term “living dead”. “Listen, I may be a shambling corpse hell bent on devouring human flesh, but I am not living. You insensitive prick.” I am sure the purist zombies would be an elitist bunch that only feed on the upper crust of society.

“Undead” is my favorite and you will see me use it often and probably in daily conversation. While I am sure you can have a lively debate with the undead on the precise definition of death and how it pertains to reanimated corpses, I don’t think they can find any fault with the terminology. Especially, if it is right before they eat you, but then I guess you can call them anything you want.